stop calling my apartment porn island.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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