This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
