Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
