Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
