she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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