Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
