You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
