I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize