i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize