it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
