just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
