I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
