Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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