Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
