when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
