After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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