Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
