the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
