So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
