How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
