I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
