I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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