A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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