Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
