totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
