i just had sex bonerless
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
