sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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