she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.