you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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