Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...