Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
