Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
