I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.