why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
