i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my being single is dangerous.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess