Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
