I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
