Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
