Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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