I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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