i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
