my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize