No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
