OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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