fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
