Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
