Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
