i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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