dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
