oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
