Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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