why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
