At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
