Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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