You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
