I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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