Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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