how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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