omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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