508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Come on in and take your pants off
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