Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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