Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
These tits shall not be calmed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
