Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
