whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
