i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
