MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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