I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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