the condom got lost in my hair
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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