Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
