What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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