oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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