did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there was a trapeze. enough said
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
