dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
