Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
