Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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