I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
