So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
