im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just pee around me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
