I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
