Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
